Friday, May 29, 2009

I'm listening to the Paste Culture Club podcast and looking hopelessly at my very-disheveled room. My mother will have her first heart attack if I don't finish cleaning this mess of a bedroom by morning, but for now I feel a desire to blog.

Blog what, though? I might as well start with a poem.

I am not a literary exhibitionist.
the blood and soap that rinses off of my arms
do not collect into words and stanzas on the shower floor

My poetry is November.
it lands cold on my skin
but does not threaten danger like January ice.

I want to make poems so close to myself
that they glow from inside my skin like bright blue veins
I want to shake readers like my body under the force of sobs
I want to turn every literary journal that will have me into a girlie magazine
with a centerfold of my naked body
I want to make my emotions so loud you can read them!

I can't do poetic confessionals.
I write of stages and old men and things I feel no relation to
But I want so badly to write what I feel (and not what I know that I am good at writing)
that I bled through as much as ninety lesions every time I bathed for three years
and wrote words on my stomach and thighs with straight razors
in that way, maybe, I wrote lines that weren't so separate from myself
as every piece of writing I've ever done that I think is decent

but with scar cream being the price that it is
I've made too much of an investment to take my words off of paper

but for once I want to smile and shake and cry and scream and laugh
not just for theatrics during these public readings
but because I can't help it, I feel the art too deeply
I would give half my talent in verse to make my words
show the love that I feel!

I started working at Dunkin Donuts last week. My new job is very different than any that I have had before. Before making lattes and asking people what Munchkins they wanted, I had been editor-in-chief of my school newspaper, and the year before that, a staff writer for the same paper. That's it for paid jobs.

Now, instead of doing intellectual work without registers, or rushing, or customer service, I'm doing a job that I wasn't made for. I love it. It's difficult, but it's a rush. I'm using a different sort of skill set than I've ever even pondered before.

Thank you to @vinylart for getting me a few new readers. No one's commented yet (but I know that you're there! Google Reader doesn't lie) so please comment so I can give you a proper thank you.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Tangible Evidence of My Force

don't blog me; I'm worth more ink than that
taken like a pill with a thumbfull of rum
you archive me you forget me
document me
put in your portfolio streams and streams of me
forget me-- but don't half-remember me
don't December me
July 2007 me
but bind and print me
make printers whir with the force of me
such a thing would fit me

you cannot kill my truth

Monday, March 23, 2009

A Simple Explanation of the Economy, and How It Is Effecting Colleges

The following is an article that I wrote for "The Citizen," the Marlboro College official magazine. (I am also editor-in-chief of The Citizen.) The first section of the article is dedicated to explaining the state of the economy, a complicated subject that few people know anything about beyond the fact that it isn't doing very well. It was my goal to be completely lucid.

The second section is about how the economy affects Marlboro College. I believe that it contains information relevant to any college.

I was completely in the dark before I began this article. Like most, I felt completely blind to what was going on in the world of finances. I was afraid for my family, for my country, and especially for my college. Hopefully this article will ease the fears of some, or at least make such fears better-informed.

A Simple Explanation of the State of the Economy
(And How It is Affecting Marlboro.)

by Rachel Knight

These days we hear about how the economy is “in shambles,” but many people have no idea what that means. The news tells us that something terrible is going on, but for those of us with little knowledge of economic terms and concepts there are few ways to learn about what specifically has happened— not to mention how it happened, and what’s being implemented to fix it. Delving into news articles on the subject isn’t always very helpful, because the press often picks up halfway through the story without giving the background.

As usual, there are helpful resources to be found at Marlboro. I interviewed economics professor Jim Tober to get the story of the economic downfall from the beginning and in easily understandable terms. I also spoke with Marlboro president Ellen Lovell, on how the current state of the economy affects both the administration of Marlboro and its students.

PART I: What is Happening in the Economy

When asked about the current state of the US economy, Tober started by defining a word that has been used copiously in news reports and during everyday conversation: “We’re in the midst of a recession. By ‘recession,’ economists usually mean two quarters, or six months total, during which the GDP [Gross Domestic Product], the output of the economy, is declining. So, negative economic growth. We’re now undoubtedly in the third such quarter, but the data isn’t in yet, so the two quarters were from the second half of 2008. There are lots of problems with measuring growth.”
After bringing up the GDP, he went on to say that “Another place to look is the unemployment rate. The unemployment rate is, as of the end of January, 7.6%, which is significantly higher than it has been. When the February numbers come out in a few days there will no doubt be a higher unemployment rate.” He was correct in his statement; according to MarketWatch, the unemployment rate went up to 8.1% for February. “That’s also a somewhat misleading indicator, because it doesn’t measure workers who are underemployed, and it doesn’t measure workers who have gotten discouraged about the prospect of finding work and have decided not to look for work, which means they’re not counted as unemployed, even though they’re not working. If you look just at the unemployment number, you undercount the severity of the recession, or the impact of the recession on people who are not working.”

Another piece of the puzzle, he said, “is the wealth of the economy. That’s been mostly the decline in the value of private housing, and financial assets that have declined by multiple trillions of dollars. Stock market indicators are down 40% to 50% since the highs of the end of 2007. That effects increasing amounts of people in the economy.

“Once upon a time the stock market affected a relatively small number of people that were on the wealthy end of the wealth distribution scale, and now, because people’s retirement plans are so tied up in the financial markets, this decline in assets is affecting a wide range of the population. That partly changes how people think about planning for the future, and partly, just because their wealth is declined, they don’t have the same capacity to spend as they used to. To sort of cover for the fact that they’re not, employed let’s say, they don’t have the assets to put on, because their asset base is also declined. With respect to housing of course it’s a crisis for people who thought that they were in a bubble, who thought that housing prices could only go up, and so they took out mortgages than they could really only afford based on their then-current income, and when the housing market began to crash, many of them were quickly so-called underwater, when the market value of their house was less than what they owed the bank. Often because they didn’t have any income anymore, or their incomes were reduced, they couldn’t afford the mortgages, and foreclosures resulted.”
“And of course,” he continued, “there’s the so-called credit crisis, which is a piece of all that is affecting the current economy.” Wikipedia defines a credit crisis as “a reduction in the general availability of loans (or credit) or a sudden tightening of the conditions required to obtain a loan from the banks.”

Tober expressed the difficulty is assessing the “health” of financial institutions. “Clearly, some have been taken over, closed by the federal government. Banks and other institutions have been forced into mergers. But there are many financial institutions whose health is still extremely unclear. The government has sort of been one step behind all along in trying to figure out how to respond, so there’s a lot that hasn’t been resolved. And meanwhile, if the credit markets aren’t working well, it means that even people who have employment or who have collateral assets that they could use to borrow money aren’t able to get loans. That affects people who want to start businesses, people who want to go to college, people who want to borrow for all kind of purposes. It’s more difficult to borrow.”

What, I asked, is the government doing to help? “It’s sort of been unfolding slowly, but since the new administration took over there’s been a flurry of activity, which all seems to be in the right direction… Whether it’s aggressive enough and ambitious enough, and targeted enough to the problems, we just have to wait to see. It depends where you want to look to see how well the administration is doing. If you look to the stock market, although it went up yesterday [March 4] when the administration announced its new housing rescue plan, it’s on its way down again today [March 5].” For one thing, he said, “Some question whether or not General Motors is solvent at all, or whether it’s going to have to fold up.

“Every day there are new sets of problems that make yesterday’s proposed solution not quite enough. So, Congress has passed a rather large stimulus package, and that’s all to the good because it’s going to replace some of the spending that some households and businesses have stopped doing. From that classical Keynesian point of view, that meets demand in the economy which makes producers want to produce more, which means they’ll hire more, or at least not fire as many workers as they would otherwise, which gives those workers spending capacity that may turn around and spend again. It could prevent a further decline in economic activity. But, a lot of the stimulus package doesn’t pay off for another year or two years, and that’s not when the help is needed. It’s needed yesterday. So, it’s a question of not only how big the stimulus package is but how well-targeted it is to get to the hands of people who are going to spend money quickly. That’s where the so-called “shovel ready” phrase came from; the idea that you want to put money into projects, public works projects, that you can start tomorrow, basically.

“Other ways to do that, which are part of the bill as well, increase unemployment benefits, so that unemployed workers get unemployment checks for more weeks. The standard program is usually limited to twenty-six weeks of benefits, on the assumption that if somebody hasn’t found another job in twenty-six weeks they aren’t looking hard enough. But that’s been extended. That’s a fairly direct way of putting spending power in the hands of people who are likely to spend it. Increasing welfare benefits, increasing food stamps, tax cuts or tax credits to lower-income recipients in particular… those are all good ways to get spending back into the economy.

“So there’s the physical stimulus part, and then there are multiple and overlapping financial rescue packages that have been put together and are being implemented in a—I wouldn’t say haphazard, that’s a little extreme—but, the earlier ones that were done in the time of the biggest crisis, during the Bush administration… there was very little transparency, very little clarity as to how that money was supposed to be sent and how it was supposed to be helpful. I think all of the news reports about financial institutions that have used that money have used it, not to extend credit, but to either put it in the bank or pay out as bonuses, or to pay out as dividends to shareholders, or to acquire other companies. Those are not necessarily helpful. [laughs]

“So, it’s very difficult, because it’s such a moving target and because there are all of these pieces that are interacting in unclear ways. It’s very hard to know what the overall liabilities of the government are, because in some cases we’re getting assets back for the money that the government is providing, so those companies were taking an ownership share.”

Then, Tober brought up an idea that some consider radical, and others think to be very sensible. “Other people have argued, and I would tend to agree, that we should have been more aggressive…we shouldn’t be so afraid to essentially nationalize the banks as necessary. The administration has been very cautious in using that term, because it’s politically very unpopular, even though it’s the sort of thing that European governments and other governments have done successfully in the past, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s a permanent situation. Paul Krugmen had a column where he was talking about this nationalizing of the banks, and he was saying that people are so afraid of it that the government needs a new name for it. He suggested that we call that pre-privatization. The government’s taking it over only for the purpose of re-privatizing it, which is I think probably what would happen. The government would take it over, sell off worthless assets, consolidate the valuable assets, create a smaller but more stable financial institution, and then sell it off. I don’t think the government aspires to be the owner of banks, but it really needs to take a more aggressive and forthright role here.”

At this point, Tober had summed up the state of the American economy as well as such a complex issue can be summarized. What, then, is happening with economy around the world?

“Clearly one of the challenges of the current crisis arises from the fact that the global economy is more financially interconnected than it probably ever has been. There’s a lack of transparency there. Historically and in other circumstances it might be that a recession in one economy could be countered by the economic strength in another country. If prices fall in a country that’s in a recession, than its goods and services become more attractive to buyers in other countries, and then they may come in and, in effect, prop up demand. But if demand is falling simultaneously everywhere, then countries can’t rely on one another so much to make up the spending that’s missing in a single economy. And so what sometimes happens and what threatens to happen now is that countries are trying to detach themselves from the global system to protect themselves against the contagion of these sorts of things.

“That is understandable, but it’s pretty dangerous if it means trade restrictions, and countries becoming less integrated. History has generally shown us that when countries respond to this kind of problem, like they did in the 1930’s when they put up tariff laws to protect domestic industry, it really shrinks the global economy. Whatever one might think about NAFTA [North American Free Trade Agreement] and the WTO [World Trade Organization] and the criticisms that are made of those sort-of free trade global initiatives, mutually beneficial trade between countries simply is… beneficial! [laughs] It can’t be carried out without any regulation, but to say that the solution is for countries to put up tariff laws to protect their domestic industries, I think would be a real disaster for the global economy. But I understand the felt pressure to do that, because it seems like a solution.

He put the US economical issues in perspective. “There are economies that are significantly more impacted than the US. The US economy is huge, and it has the special advantage, at least now, of operating in a currency that the world has decided is going to be a global currency of account, basically. And so, even though we’ve been running these huge budget deficits, which are only going to get bigger by an order of magnitude in the next couple of years…” Tober paused to give background. “We finance those by selling bonds. The fear has been as our debt gets bigger and bigger it’s going to get harder and harder to sell these bonds because people are going to be worried that they’re not going to be able to pay them off, and that therefore the interest rate that people are going to demand for those bonds is going to grow. That’s going to be a real burden on this economy, because as the interest rate gets bigger the debt’s going to get bigger, fast, and that’s debt to the extent that the money is owned by people outside the country, that’s money that’s flowing outside the economy, and that’s going to put pressure on the dollar, but at least as of yet, that hasn’t happened.” Continuing where he had left off, he explained that “The rest of the world is willing to buy, so far, as much debt as the US government is trying to sell, and it’s not asking very high interest rates for it. They’re happy to have it at low interest rates. That’s a surprise to a lot of people who are really worried about the stability of the dollar, but people are still anxious to have dollars even if they’re only earning half a percent interest rate on government debt. They’d rather have that, because they still think that the dollar is more secure than whatever else they could do with their money. So, despite these huge, seemingly unsurmountable challenges, the US economy in terms of its global place seems to be holding up.

“There are certainly other countries, particularly smaller or less-mature-as-industrial-economy countries that are having more serious problems.” He gave Iceland as one example. “And there was an article in the paper recently about Ukraine— countries that have only recently transitioned to market economies that don’t have the institutions as securely in place as the US. So, there are some serious issues for sure.”

PART II: How the Economy Is Affecting Colleges, and Particularly Marlboro

How is the economy affecting colleges? “Well, colleges in general, it’s hard to say,” said Tober. “The usual story that is in the press, which I’m sure it true, is that college endowments are hit just like other individuals and institutions have. So, colleges that have large endowments and that depend on the income from those endowments as a big part of their budget are in serious budget trouble. They still have a lot of wealth, but they’re restricted in terms of how much endowment they can withdraw. So if they’re taking a fixed percentage of their endowment and their endowment’s down by 40%, the income that they can take, even if they have a rolling average of calculating it like Marlboro does, is falling, and that impacts their current budget, which is an enormously serious problem.

“Colleges are suspending faculty searches, and they’re cutting both academic and non-academic staffs, and they’re tightening their belts all around. In some cases they’re trying to recruit more students, to generate more revenue without necessarily increasing the faculty and staff that they have to serve those students, so it’s a real challenge.

“On the other side, there’s the question of how well students can afford the education that colleges offer if their own family’s financial situation is weakening or there’s been a job loss in the family, if the student loan market isn’t functioning very well… those are all concerns for current students, perspective students, colleges. No doubt about it.” There is an aspect of the economic crisis that may keep potential students going to school, however.

“From the student point of view, this sort of narrow economic assessment is that part of the cost of going to college is the is the so-called ‘opportunity cost.’ It’s the value of the job that you could have if you weren’t in school. So, in a perverse sort of way, when the job market is bad, the opportunity cost for students goes down. In effect it’s cheaper to go to college, because you’re not giving up that high-paying job on the outside, because you can’t get that job anymore.

“So the cost of coming to college is coming down, not the out-of-pocket cost but the opportunity cost part. That could lead more students to want to be in school, and could be beneficial for colleges generally. It will play out differently for different schools for sure. But then there’s the out-of-pocket cost side. However much the opportunity cost falls, if you can’t borrow the money or you don’t have the wherewithal, because you don’t have that summer job or you don’t have that part-time job to supplement, then that’s a problem for students, no question about it.”

According to Tober, Marlboro is doing well despite the circumstances. “We’re going forward with three faculty searches. I think that that’s highly unusual. Most colleges have suspended their faculty searches, or at least many of them. And that’s partly the nature of the institution, how dependent we are on having a full complement of teachers in the fields that we teach. So it hasn’t effected Marlboro in terms of the curriculum.

“The other consideration is that, although Marlboro has been very fortunate in building an endowment over the last few years, and has been very successful, we’re not as endowment-dependent as many other private liberal arts colleges are that have longer-standing endowments than we do. Our budget might be 10% endowment-dependent, and a sort of well-heeled liberal arts college might be 40% endowment dependent. So, if you’ve got a budget that depends 40% on your endowment income and your endowment income drops 25%, that’s 10% of the entire institution’s budget you don’t have anymore. If you’re 10% endowment-dependent, then the same decline might mean only a 2% reduction in the budget, or in that source of income. So, in that sense Marlboro is in a stronger position, in a sort of perverse way I guess.

“And the other concern, of course, for colleges generally is the ability of donors to continue to support the institution, and Marlboro has an extremely loyal and generous donor base. That’s a good thing. It speaks highly to how we’re regarded by those people who support us. Of course, we’d like to have a bigger donor base! “

Tober concluded the interview by contemplating how this recession might impact those who are now affected by it. “One of the things that happened in, say, the depression of the 30’s was that there was a whole generation of people who came of age during that time whose whole life was effected by the depression experience in terms of their attitudes towards savings, their attitude towards risk, and all of these things. You know the stories about grandparents or great-grandparents who did this or that during the depression and how they forever on stockpiled toothpaste whenever it was on sale. It really affected people’s attitudes about saving, and about risk, and I think that a similar thing could happen.

“I think there was such a tremendous amount of wealth that was lost, it seems now in retrospect that people were taking excessive risks and the government was being insufficiently watchful, and people have suffered as a result. I think that when the economy recovers—and I think that it will, in 1-2 years let’s say—there will, I think, generally be more financial oversight and regulation, less inclination to take risk on the part of individual businesspeople and individual citizens, and more inclination to save and less to borrow. All of those things may be good, and they’re also all understandable in terms of the experiences that people have had, but I think that it also will mean, probably, a lower rate of growth in the economy in general, which people might think has its upside as well as its downside, but I think that risk-taking typically has an average higher rate of return than is has more variability, because of the risk. I think that people will be more interested in the safety of their assets than in the potential for high rates of return. So there’ll probably be less innovation, less risk-taking, slower growth, and different attitudes on the part of a whole generation of people who are now coming of age as independent actors in the economy and society.” Though he did not mention it, this idea might apply to college students who are hesitant to perform the risk of taking out loans, and who opt instead to go to an institution where they do not receive an education adequately suited to them.

Ellen Lovell had this to say about how the state of the economy is affecting college students: “I think students are affected in a number of ways. One is, maybe it’s obvious, but, worry. Worry about what you hear about the economy. Where’s it going, and what can it do to a student’s future? What can you expect when you graduate? How are you going to find your place in the economy? I think it’s probably made people, not only at Marlboro but all over, think ‘how am I going to make my way in this economy?’

“For me it confirms even more the value of a liberal arts education, because I think those skills of critical thinking, and creativity and problem solving and clear writing, clear expression, being able to work together in teams, understanding how groups work, are the skills that everybody’s going to need in order to adapt as the economy changes. However, I know that for some people, it’s increasing their concern about ‘what professional or vocational skills am I going to have?’ So it might, for awhile, put pressure on a liberal arts institution like ours. I’m prepared to make lots of fierce arguments about why this is the kind of education we need, why this is necessary for our future, but I do know that some people are thinking that way.

“Secondly, because it puts economic pressure on parents, then families worry about paying for a college education, and I know that that’s a concern as well. And there are reasons to be concerned, because there are fewer lenders out there. We’ll have more pressure on our financial aid funds at the college, and people who are planning on drawing from savings or from home equity are finding that the value has gone down, so of course that makes it harder. Again, when I talk to students, or prospective students as I’ve been doing all these Visit Days, I say ‘Don’t let that stand in your way. If you really want a Marlboro education, come talk to us and we’ll try to work it out, case by case.’ That will be my message to our returning students.

“The thing we want most of all is for the students who are here who want to be here to return…I want people to be able to come to us with their concerns. The other thing I want to mention, when you ask ‘how is the economy affecting college students’— Obama’s stimulus bill actually has some good news in it for college students. The Pell grant has gone up for people who are eligible for Pell. They’re also encouraging more direct lending with the US Department of Education and Colleges, so we’re investigating how we might take advantage of that, if it’s a good idea for us.

“As you know,” she shared, “I’ve been thinking about [how the economy affects Marlboro] pretty much around the clock for the last couple of months. [laughs] I’ve been talking to the Board about it and watching and seeing where we go, and I think it’s good to be candid about the state of the college.

“The last community letter I wrote, it was awhile ago, and it still contained the basic message, the basic information, which is that we’re in a hard time with a lot of strengths. And mostly I think that’s the commitment of all the people who are here, including students. But also, because we’ve been really careful with our spending, we’ve been able to build up a modest cash reserve. So we have kind of an insurance policy here—a reserve to fall back on if we don’t get all the revenues that we need. The endowment, which had risen very nicely, had fallen 22%. Now that’s something that everyone believes will regain eventually, we don’t know how long it’s going to take. But the immediate impact is that there’s less of what we call a draw. In other words, every year the Board sets a particular percentage that they will take from the earnings of the endowment, not from the basic endowment gifts, so the whole idea is it’s supposed to earn money and then you take a certain percentage of that money and that goes into our general operating fund, and that helps support everybody. You know we can’t charge the real cost of a Marlboro education, so we subsidize it with the earnings from the endowment, and unrestricted fundraising that we do every year. So those are two really critical elements, and because there will be less of an endowment there’ll be less of a draw. So we’re now in our budget processes trying to figure out, ‘how do we compensate for that, how do we take that into account?’

The other element is that we have to keep our fundraising really strong to be able to keep our programs strong, and for a small institution we raise a pretty remarkable amount of money every year in unrestricted gifts. And a little bit more than a quarter of that comes right from the Board of Trustees, and that comes from a wide array of alumni, parents, parents of alumni, friends of the college, you know, people who really are committed to our form of education. So that’s another thing that we have to keep strong, and some people are rethinking their giving. So,we’re concerned about whether we’ll be able to keep up the level of giving that we’ve been able to enjoy so far. And then I guess the other factor is affordability. ‘What will we be able to work out with returning students and new students?’ Hoping people will still value a Marlboro education and make that choice, and that we’ll be able to help them to put together a package of resources to be able to do it.”

“I think,” said McCulloch-Lovell, “it will mean more pressure on financial aid, and I think one of the things the Board and I are absolutely certain we’re committed to is maintaining a level of financial aid, even if we’re making other cuts—or even increasing it.”

The recent slight increase in tuition was a major topic during the interview. “Well,” McCulloch-Lovell began, “the whole comprehensive fee, if you count tuition fees, room and board, is 4%. As I said in Town Meeting, that’s the lowest increase in six years. I have been trying to keep them low every year. I think last year was 4.8% or something like that, and the year before was just over 5%, because Marlboro had done a big hike a number of years ago. The reason we did that is that it had been the strategy some years back to not only lower tuition but to then keep it flat for three years, and we just didn’t pay for the college doing that. So, there was a pretty hefty increase I think in 2004, and then another smaller one in 2005, and then we really tried to keep it, as I said, as low as we could, and still have a strong program, but still a very frugal budget.”

What does the increase cover? “It’s mostly the costs that we can’t control. That’s the part that’s hard to contend with. You look at everything you want to do, but then you look at the things that you have to do, that are very hard to control. The costs that are hard to control are all of the really inflationary ones, like energy. We’re still dependent on fossil fuels, and those will go up. It also depends on how long and cold the winter is, and we’ve had a doozy this year. So, it’s energy, it’s utilities, it’s the cost of electricity, food prices, insurance—all kinds of insurance. Those are the basic inflationary costs.

“And then Marlboro’s been committed over a number of years while I’ve been president to paying wages to our staff and faculty that are at least commensurate with other small colleges and institutions. We don’t want to be behind. We probably can’t be way ahead, but we really have been trying to catch people up. And even at that, we probably aren’t meeting the standards we’d really like. About 75% of our total costs are salaries and benefits. If I were an economist I’d say we’re a labor-intensive industry. We want to be. We want our investment to be in people. As you know, it’s certainly not in buildings! “

Agreeing with the words of Tober in relation to Marlboro’s continuing faculty searches, McCulloch-Lovell said “I think one of the things we’ve done that’s important is making that commitment to people. All around you hear about lay-offs or freezes, and we looked at those three positions and said, we need to have strong curriculum and we need those three people. It says something about our strength if those searches are for tenure-track faculty, not filled by adjuncts, or part-timers. So we kind of just had the confidence to go ahead and do that hiring. The important part is that we are staying strong in our academic program and going ahead with these three searches.”

I continued to inquire as to the increase in tuition. “When we raise our tuition fees and room and board,” McCulloch-Lovell replied, “we’re trying to do that in relation to where we think we’re going to go with the budget. Now at 4% for the comprehensive fee, that doesn’t begin to cover the gap, either. It’s a percentage of it, but it doesn’t come close to paying for everything we need to pay for, so we still have to look at a combination of fundraising and budget control. We’re even cutting budgets. One of the strengths of Marlboro is—I remember Travis Norsen [physics professor] said this to me a couple years ago—we make frugality a virtue. So, we’re approaching it with that spirit"

Monday, March 2, 2009

Let's Talk About Sex

I'm thinking of turning this site into a sexology blog. [For my Facebook readers: this was originally posted on Blogger. Facebook automatically imports my Blogger posts.] How do you guys feel about that? It would be wonderful to combine the topics of sexology and intrinsic human goodness into one space, but that seems like a peculiar mix. I combine the two areas of study in my everyday life, but will it translate into an understandable blog niche? Let me know what you think; I love my readers here, and don't care that there are so few of you!

At the moment I'm working on an essay for a course entitled Psychology in a Sociocultural Context. The prompt is to write on one specific human need, and one way in which that need is suppressed by society.

I'm writing on the need for sexual satisfaction. "What a surprise," Dan Moore said to me when I told him as much.

Sexual satisfaction is desired by nearly all human beings, and often very strongly. Not only do we have a biological drive to procreate (or at least go through the actions of procreation while using contraceptives,) sex is tied into the need for love, intimacy and tenderness. Biologically, sex is necessary; emotionally, perhaps it is even more so!

Sexual urges are also unavoidable; in the Laws, St. Thomas Aquinas speaks of "the law of the members," a phrase not uncommonly used by men of religion. The law of the members refers to the uncontrollable nature of erections. Though it is not talked about frequently, women also feel uncontrollable, sometimes frightening urges for sexual satisfaction.

I was talking with a guyfriend the other day when he praised a writer for "being perfectly suited to teenage boys, speaking of matters that are relevant to boys at that time... for example, he describes the uncontrollable need to masturbate."

"Girls feel that too, you know," I replied.

"Not in the same way," he assured me. As if he could have known!

I've been poring through the Annual Review of Sex Research, Journal of Sex Research, Annual Review of Psychology and other academic journals to find research on the specific ways in which society (I hate using that term; so cliche, and usage of it is baited with the possibility for truisms) suppresses the need for sexual satisfaction.

I have three ideas so far.

One, I could write on the need for sexual confidence, which significantly contributes to sexual satisfaction as a whole. For this, I may focus on society's presuppositions of males as magisterial, always-turned-on sex machines. We talk a lot about how society fucks up women's views of themselves by telling them that they should be both sexual objects and totally demure, but in fact adolescent boys are also victims of sexual expectations. Those young men that are not in constant pursuit of sex may feel inferior in several ways. (Rostosky, Dekhtyar, Cupp, Anderman, 2008.)

Two, I could write about the ideas of scientists and society as regarding female sexual pleasure. I'm reading Technology of Orgasm by Maines, and it's reinforcing an idea I already have: women have been expected over the years to enjoy sex less than men, and have less orgasms. Wouldn't this almost-necessarily lead to women not seeking nearly as much sexual satisfaction as they are actually capable of?

Then there's the inability of both women and men to speak up about their sexual urges. One's sexuality can feel abnormal and scary, because dialogues about sexual fantasy are not strongly discouraged in most facets of society. Did you know that rape is a common fantasy for women to have? (I don't have any academic sources right now, just a current New York Times Magazine article, but I can find several articles and statistics on the matter upon request.) Obviously these women do not want to be raped, but the fantasy appeals to them. Would this not lead to feelings of disgust at one's self, not knowing that their fantasies are normal and widely shared?

I'll post the essay when I write it.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

In His Own Image: God's Relationship With Man From Ancient Babylon to Beowulf

I'll be happy to provide citations to anyone who asks; without any apparent need, it doesn't seem worthwhile to move my footnotes into this blog post.

In His Own Image

From the beginning, God was the Creator. In the Book of Genesis, He fashions the world in seven days. In Ea Elish, the Genesis of ancient Babylon, creation takes the form of birth and death; birth given by Tiamat to the gods, and the death of Ea giving way to the creation of Man.
When Man was birthed, the roles of God became more plentiful and complex. He has not ceased to maintain his role as the most prime of creators, however; In the Christian tradition, “it is through Him that all things are made.” Man’s relationship to God can be classified as that of a creator, a controller, and a giver of law.

Divine creators do not make man first of all things; mankind is often formed last in creation myths. The function for which man is created is stated explicitly in Ea Elish, and left slightly more ambiguous in the Bible, yet one message cohabitates both of the stories: it is imperative for man to behave in a manner that is appropriate to their standing with God. What behaving like this entails is perhaps the most discussed theme in the Bible. The reasons for the laws of Judeo-Christianity—that false idols must be shunned, for example, and that a holy day must be observed—are largely based on man’s actions in respect to God. The existence of these rules assigns a role to God: the giver of law.

In Ea Elish, gods created man to perform rituals in honor of the gods.

Punishment they inflicted upon [Ea] by cutting the arteries of his blood
With his blood [the gods] created mankind,
And they had imposed the services of the gods upon them

In Genesis as well as in Ea Elish, it is the duty of the first human beings to live within the boundaries that a god makes. God created the wonderful Garden of Eden for Adam and Eve to roam in, but he restricted them from eating of two trees, including the Tree of Knowledge Good and Bad. Man disobeyed God, which set the tone for all human beings to come. Now, in addition to being a creator and a law-maker, God became a controller of man. (Control and law are different, for Man has the free will to sin and thus go against God’s law, but he cannot avoid his own fate.) He sentenced them to eventual death, and to labor pains that would in a sense punish Woman for bringing new human beings into the world. This established God’s relationship with Man as that of the controller and the controlled.

Although the punishment of labor pains was not later alleviated by God, the sting of death was. Later in the Bible, Christ shared the good news of Heaven; that every good person would have a room reserved for them in the true temple of God. This added a note of benevolence to God’s relationship with Man. Death was no longer a punishment for the sin of Adam and Eve, but a way to reach a closer covenant with the Lord. This too falls under into the category of control. Whether an individual is sent to Heaven or Hell is God’s decision.

Perhaps Adam was created to provide God with a companion. Unlike the trees and animals, man was created in “God’s own image.” What it means to be created in His image is not definitively explained, but it does bring man closer to God than any of His other creations. Perhaps it has something to do with God wanting to be worshiped.

“Can any praise be worthy of the Lord’s majesty?” Augustine asks in his Confessions. What can individual men and women do to sufficiently offer praise unto the Lord? A few lines after Augustine poses this question, he illustrates the extent of man’s attachment to God as he sees it.
Since he [man] is a part of your [God’s] creation, he wishes to praise you. The thought of you stirs him so deeply that he cannot be content unless he praises you, for you made him for yourself, and our hearts find no peace until they can rest in you.

What is man’s duty to God? What is his responsibility as a creature “made…for” God? What does it mean to be made by, and yet for, the Lord? This again raises the question of whether or not men and women are intended to be companions to the Lord. They are not God’s equals, and thus not his peers. So instead of being companions, perhaps God’s purpose in creating mankind is to have beings to laud (or praise, in Augustine’s words) Him.

Why does God want to be worshipped? Just like the Babylonian gods, the Judeo-Christian God requires worship for some reason and uses humans for this purpose. (“Then the Lord said to Moses, ‘Go to the Pharaoh and tell him: thus says the Lord: Let my people go to worship me.” ) Perhaps it is that He knows His Word is truth, and He wants to share the truth with mankind. Or perhaps He needs His work appreciated. Another possibility is that God wants acknowledgment that He is the almighty being. He might wish for men to be in awe of him, and not challenge him or disobey the laws he sets. It might even be that he sets these laws for the sole purpose of having laws, any laws at all, as long as they are followed and thus prove his power.

In the Book of Isaiah, a friend of the narrator had a vineyard that did not grow quality grapes. As a result, the vineyard-keeper destroyed the land with a malicious attitude towards his creation. God uses fire and flooding to rid his world of sinners. Why does the vineyard keeper ruin his vineyard instead of fixing it? Cannot God tend to his people with kindness and love instead of lethal punishment? This, too, is an act of control.

The Book of Job is centered around an interesting relationship between God and a man. Job had everything taken away from him by God; but then again, God gave him all of those things to begin with.

Naked I came forth from my mother’s womb
and naked shall I go back again.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
blessed be the name of the Lord!

The action of Book of Job epitomizes the idea of a God that control’s man’s fate. In this case, the way that God chooses to exercise His control is completely separate from law, as Job abided by God’s law.

The relationship between Man and God is very much complicated by the presence of Christ. Both man and God, he lived among human beings as one of them but was also more divine than even the prophets. “Who has known the mind of the Lord, so as to counsel him? But we have the mind of Christ.”

The Beatitudes in the Book of Mathew imply a very close and special relationship between God and Man.. Unlike in Genesis, Isaiah and Amos, in many books of the New Testament “mercy” and “comfort” are gifts of God, emphasized over death and punishment given to sinners.

For what purpose was Man created? What does it mean to be made “In God’s image”? Eating from the Tree of Wisdom seems to have made human beings what they are today, but what were they before they gained wisdom and became aware of their nakedness?

Before they ate from the Tree of Wisdom, humans were basically God’s dolls that he played with in his dollhouse. Until Adam and Eve tasted the apple, humans did not have suffering, did not have wisdom, and did not make choices. Once the choice to eat the forbidden fruit was made (even before the fruit was actually eaten,) humans ceased to be dolls and started to be what is now considered to be human.

When reading Beowulf, the reader is frequently reminded that the events taking place in the narrative happened because they were the will of God.

Much as he wanted to, there was no way
he could preserve his Lord’s life on earth
or alter in the least the Almighty’s will.
What God judged right would rule what happened
to every man, as it does to this day.

Augustine shares the philosophy that God preordains the fate of the individual, for he says that it was God’s will that he reach his holy epiphany in the garden at the time that he did and not earlier in his life. In Exodus, God himself claims to control the outcome of situations when he informs Moses that He will make the Pharaoh “obstinate.”

God’s relationship with Man is characterized by three things: creation, control, and law. God is responsible for the creation of man, for he made him; control, for he preordains the fate of every man; and law, for he communicates rules that human beings ought to follow.

A poem on the Old Testament

At long last, another poem. Academia leaves little time for poetry... so, naturally, this one was written during class and about a subject I was studying!

I am who am,
and you can call me
My flames burn only skin.
I am so wise
I saw our compromise in a dream.
my distillations bleed through the prophets,
and I alone am the LORD.
if I open your eyes you will feel charity
if I peel off your skin you will see you are made of salt
Your mother and father marked my Name on your skin
Your bones will stack up to make your wife
and where there is wailing
and gnashing of teeth,
you will hear the music above
the bleating of the sheep

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


I'm featured on the new blog Tweetabix, which posts interviews about the habits of individual Twitterers.

The one thing that I would add to my answers is that I find it okay to monetize through Twitter, so long as it is subtle, and both includes and is in addition to real content. For example, I run advertisements using Magpie, but only ones that link to worthwhile sites, and only often enough to be a rarity on my stream.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Gypsy (An early incarnation of the story.)

I've done lots of exercises and a couple of stories centering around a schizophrenic girl, Gypsy, named after one of the Manson killers. Here is her earliest appearance in a full story.

In backwoods Vermont farmland, a trailer-sized home stands in defiance. The tired white paint is tinged with yellow and clay-red around the corners and windowsills. A foot of insulation is exposed on the side, pink like burn scars and thick like muscle. Though grass around the property is scarce, weeds grow as they please, overshadowing the two concrete steps that precede the screen door. Inside the decrepit building are the only creatures for miles: four young women on an organized killing spree.

Sue pulled into the driveway just moments ago; the dirt road is still billowing up in breaths around the wheels of her car. She steps through the door, with brown paper bags gripped in both hands.

“I’m here.” No answer; Sandy and Mary would be asleep. Early morning naps never claimed Gypsy, though. Sue leaves the bags on the counter for whoever might want to claim them, and walks with haste to the bathroom door.

Sue looks at Gypsy through a crack in the bathroom door, deliberating over whether or not bothering her is worth the attention. The girl sits on the porcelain vanity, staring into the mirror. Some schizophrenics lose track of their personalities; Gypsy, she never wanted to acknowledge them in the first place. She doesn’t keep separate names for her separate identities, but merely shifts shape in front of the mirror.

She is straddling the vanity lazily, one foot in each sink. Gypsy whispers to her reflection, softly, as if comforting a child. Single-word murmurs and sissified whines make up her speech. (Is it perverse to be impressed by such an utter lack of normality? In the house, Sue is not alone in her vague reverence. Any contempt towards Gypsy is a veiled attempt at imitation; the respect she receives is similar to masochistic flogging—or better yet, Sue thinks, clinging to a friend who you know hates you, and who, deep down, you hate too.) Sue opens the door gingerly and steps in.
Now Gypsy leans back with one elbow on the sink, her head cocked just a little at her intruder. When she puts on this air of absolute aloofness, it doesn’t matter that she is in gray, ill-fitting underwear, with bony limbs and skin that peels off in patches. She looks cool, intimidating. Gypsy, a careless chain smoker, pulls a pungent stick of tobacco out from between her lips. Sue waits in reverence while the other girl snuffs the cigarette butt on her pockmarked forearm. After one last glance in the mirror, Gypsy speaks. Her voice now deeper, raspy, she says:

“Clean yourself up in some other sink, bitch, does it look like I don’t have enough blood on the tiles?”

Sue’s perpetual scowl twists, and she slouches her shoulders in an accidental display of inferiority. She runs the sink for a few seconds until the water turns clear.

“There’s no other sink to use; Sandy crashed in the tub near the other faucet. I didn’t want to wake her… you know she’s a real pain when she’s hung over.” Sue, of course, did not actually know where Sandy was sleeping. She brings her hands—still dusty, she noticed—to her blonde hair, and fluffs her lazy curls. Testing Gypsy’s patience, she deems it necessary to rifle the bathroom drawers for shampoo. “Anyway, hello. I’ve been out to see Lenny, if you care, and he had a new job for us. It was close by, so I offed the guy on the way home… some KKK son of a bitch no one’ll search for too hard. Fat bastard died easy, but he bled like hell, as you can see. I also picked up booze, it’s on the counter if you want some.”

Gypsy had gone back to the mirror, wholly uninterested in a routine murder. Her glass-stroking and heavy breathing was now far too sexual for comfort. Sue forsook the most stubborn of the blood stains and made a quick escape to the den. Fascinated but scared by the incomprehensible soliloquy Gypsy had now started, she stayed close to the bathroom but turned on the radio.
“You call that music? Turn that shit off, or get away from the bathroom.”
“Yes, Gypsy, I call this music. This is fucking Hendrix.”

“You think that means something to me? You can’t defend that garbage with a name. At best, that kind of music can pay tribute to the real stuff.” She continued on, her voice cracking and rising in volume.

“Music, music is not something you turn on and turn up. You can’t turn off real music, you can’t ignore it, it either keeps you sane or it kills you. What happened to the gnashing of teeth, what happened to sonatas on peyote lying dead behind cacti in Mexico? What happened to real music?

“Music, it’s change in the coffee cup of a beggar that died and looks asleep. It’s that beggar man’s snores, no, no, that’s the last breath in his throat. It’s the Sunday sermon when you’ve just found out why you’re alive.

“When music was alive and walked the streets, there was deus ex machina in every Bulgarian disco. God came from the machine, the machine being synthesizer keyboards, and if you weren’t too high you could see him. If you were too high, you saw something far better than God, and you called it by the same name. Song bridges didn’t change pitch, and they didn’t change melody; they changed reality. With just a few notes, the musician would slice open your stomach and gut you. Your reality turned over to the music, you find yourself hanging boneless on a meat hook while some ignored bassist tenderizes your flesh on a nearby table. Then the song ends, and you’re sitting in front of a mirror or whatever when you thought you were in a butcher shop window with an apple stuffed down your throat.”

Sue had walked away by now. Gypsy goes on, only half-aware of her absence.

“Are you listening? Hear me, hear me say this. When we die, we will die blind. Music is dead but it sees. It sees us, sees everything, everything we do in its streets. And it hates us with all of its love. Are you listening? Hear me say this.

“Music is what happens when the guitars stop and the lead singer chokes on her own vomit and keels over and still finishes the note.”